Disclaimer: This article is not intended for issues regarding marriage. The intended audience is those in a dating or engaged relationship.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. 6 Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take. [Proverbs 3:5-6]
Should I Give Up on Him or Her?
Relationships are impossibly hard.
I think they are designed to be that way. We are all complex and, lets just be honest, annoying creatures. We live each day thinking about our own responsibilities and tasks. We become frustrated when the old man who innocently dialed the wrong number takes more than 20 seconds to figure out his mistake.
How do we handle living in a relationship where there is always someone interrupting our personal time?
Martians will think that we are insane!
We hate when people interrupt us, but we still yearn for someone who ?will stay true with us. We know that at the end of the day we cannot do it alone nor do we want to. We come home after a stressful day and all of the frustrations melt away when we see that smile that says, ?I am still here. We will do it together.?
But what happens when the smile vanishes?
Our Silly Addiction to the Intoxication of Love
All relationships start out perfect. All you encounter are ?smiles and longing eyes. The other partner can do no wrong. We?ve all been there. Is it the adrenaline, endorphins or Maslow?s need for belonging? I don?t know, but new love empowers us into a false sense of invincibility.
Then we naively take a running leap off Niagra Falls knowing full well that we will dive into the pool of love but instead we meet the hard and thorny surface known to all as reality.?We then stand up to the all familiar voice of Michael Stipe of R.E.M. leading a wailing choir as they sing, ?Everybody Hurts?.
Why do we always fall into the same trap of allowing ourselves to depend on others for our own affirmation?
Girl Mesmerizes Boy and Magically Evaporates His Wallet.. What Else is New?
Years ago, I was in love with this beautiful girl named Ashley. The ground turned to the clearest of diamonds with every step she took and she knew that every male?s eye was fixed directly on her. She looked at a guy and his wallet flew out of his pocket right into her hand.
Yes, I was proud to say to guys that this girl smiled only at me.. or so I thought.
In those days, I was truly invincible and purely awesome. I strutted down the street in my own patented pimp walk. Girls would whisper to one another and guys nodded with that knowing smirk. Life was good because they all knew that Ashley was with me.
Life truly was intoxicating in the beginning of the relationship, but things grew to become more complicated as time passed. Ashley was always beautiful and angelic. Slowly, I noticed that she seemed to struggle with the same issues.
Money and guys.
I Wanted to Save the Relationship and Be Her Knight in Shining Armor
I didn?t mind helping her out with most of her issues. She truly had a difficult past that she had to overcome. Her dad was an alcoholic and had a truly jerk of an ex-boyfriend. We would spend hours talking about our future and questions about God. I respected her as a person and still do in many ways to this day.
Because I had such a deep respect for her, I enjoyed playing the part of her knight in shining armor.
What I didn?t realize is that I allowed my pride and need for affirmation to blind me to her complete self. Ashley is an amazing person in many ways, but she also is self-destructive to the point of destroying other people?s lives. I allowed her to continue to use, cheat, and lie to me because I felt that God put me there to save her.
The once proud boy who had his own patented strut became a shell of a breathing person.
Should You Give Up or Quit In Your Current Relationship?
Relationships like mine with Ashley aren?t healthy for either party. It is obvious that the relationship needed to be ended when it is over, but love and pride blind us when we are in the midst of the forest. We continue to fight because we are trained not to quit and not to give up.
A Unhealthy Superman or Superwoman Complex
I know this will come as a shock to you. I know it did me. You aren?t a superhero. You aren?t wearing a cool cape and an awesome leotard with a see-through mask to protect your identity. ?Contrary to what I believed, I could not run faster than a speeding bullet to kiss an extremely attractive woman and then dart out of the way. Neither can you. She does catch you.
(on a side note: If you are wearing a leotard with a cloth cape, then please stop reading this article. Read this instead.)
You cannot save him or her. Do not get caught in the lie that you must stay in the relationship because he needs you. He keeps on telling you that you are the only thing that is keeping him afloat, but this isn?t completely accurate.
You aren?t keeping him afloat. He is drowning you.
We weren?t created to save each other and it is destructive to think that we can be anyone?s savior. Only God can rescue him or her. You are actually hindering his own growth and ability to overcome his personal demons when you try to do it for him.
He actually grows to depend on you rather than God and figure out the tools to do it himself. Will you always be there for him?
The Only Way to Learn to Walk is to Fall a Thousand Times
Think about how you were able to overcome your own personal demons. Was someone else able to do it for you?
Anyone will tell you that my biggest problem is forgetfulness. Once, I drove past my own driveway 5 times in a row because I was too busy singing.I laugh and joke about it because most of the time it is funny, but true forgetfulness frustrates and destroys. Imagine driving three hours to go to a Foo Fighters concert only to find out that you left the tickets on the table.
The girl never returned my phone calls after that date.
Sure, I could find a woman who anally follows behind me. She writes me lists every time I walk out the door. When I leave for a work trip, she calls me every hour to make sure that I have everything I need. Truthfully though, I would dump her.. quick.
Not only would she annoy the mess out of me, but She also is unhealthy for my own life. I onlyunderstand the struggle of my forgetfulness because I?ve had to deal with the repercussions of it happening to me. There are occasions where I have forced myself to drive half an hour to pick up my phone from work at midnight even though I could?ve done it in the morning.
The only way to learn to walk is to fall a thousand times is the truest words ever spoken.
How do You Know When It is the Right Time to Give Up?
Not all relationships have to end in destructive means. Many times a couple should end a relationship even though it isn?t destructive. You originally entered into the relationship because he intrigued you or you felt comfortable around him. As time went by, you realized that there is something missing. You know that you do love him or her so you continue in the relationship but you are constantly questioning it.
You ask, ?Is it time? How do I know??
1.Pray for Direction, Patience and Discernment Regarding the Relationship
There are a lot of questions going through your mind when you start to question the relationship. How do you know that it isn?t just a plateau that you must cross? What if he or she is the one? ?Are you just being selfish? We all question our motives as it is a way for us to help guide us into good decisions, but many times the questions only lead us into a never-ending circle.
When you start the process, begin by praying about it. Ask specifically for patience in direction and discernment. Do not expect an easy answer or personal resolve immediately. You aren?t asking God to tell you what to do. You need God to show some clarity so you can make healthy decision.
2. Talk With an Honest and Trusted Friend
There are two types of friends and both of them are needed. Some friends are cheerleaders and will always be on your side to encourage you. The other is one that is honest and will talk to you straight. You need to have a deep conversation with the latter about quitting the relationship.
Honest friends will help you critically think through the issues from an objective standpoint. They will always encourage you, but will also help you see things that previously blinded you. You are in the midst of the struggle and doubts. There will be important issues you will overlook.
3. Find Confidence in Your Decision and Trust in God?s Control
God will see you through this decision in whatever choice you make because you prayed for direction. Once you?ve made your decision, feel confident that it is the right one for the relationship. I cannot tell you which direction take take, but you need to create confidence in your decision and not allow yourself to doubt.
You?ve prayed, gotten advice and thought through the issues. Trust that God will provide a path.
The Destructive Beliefs About Quitting and Power in Confidence
We are told from a young age, ?Quitters never win?. We grow to believe that we are going backwards when we change course in life. Our pride will bust and we?ll waste time. Therefore, we keep on the same negative path for possibly years and decades.
We become the old bitter person because we refused to quit.
We must remember that sometimes it is necessary to quit (even in relationships) in order to live an abundant life. Do not allow regrets or pride to control your mind. Many times, you must quit something in order to see the next opportunity God has planned for you.
Video About Overcoming Negative Thinking and Beliefs
The biggest roadblock that people have is that they allow beliefs such as, ?I need this person in order to live, I?m a failure if I quit or I can?t be alone.? ?to hinder the vision God has for them. You will continue to be stuck if you allow them to control you.
Steven Aitchison blogs about overcoming such negative beliefs. I really respect his writing and his Mind Alchemy course is really based on very strong and foundational psychological principles. He created this entertaining video about overcoming these negative beliefs.
Click here to watch the video
This Article is Part of a Blogger Jam
I wrote this article as a contribution into a blogger community program. Bonnie Gray, from Faith Barista fame, puts together an opportunity for bloggers everywhere to write about one topic together. It is an awesome and fun opportunity with amazing articles. This weeks topic was about Quitting. ?Click here to see the other awesome articles.
Source: http://www.altnoise.net/find-freedom-and-know-when-to-quit-a-relationship/
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